The purpose of the Beyond Betrayal blog is to offer betrayed wives validation, encouragement and hope.
By ‘betrayed wives’ I mean the wives of porn/sex addicts, sex offenders, men with sexual integrity/lusting issues and men who form romantic attachments outside of the marriage relationship. Recent research shows that it matters very little to women how their partner’s infidelity took place (ie, whether there was intercourse with someone else) the pain and trauma feel very much the same in most situations. In fact, a bigger factor in how we experience this pain is our past experiences with betrayal and other traumatic incidents.
Having conducted the largest survey to date of wives of sex addicts, in 2014/2015 (for a book to be relased next year), I will frequently present and discuss those survey results. They make a great starting point for conversations, so do, 'dive in' with your thoughts via the 'comments' fields.
In my experience, the only source of true and complete healing is the God who loves us, desires to be in relationship with us and who is always faithful. The thoughts and research shared on this blog will inevitably come back round to that point. Nevertheless, all are welcome here (no matter where you are in your faith journey) and I suspect that even if you disagree with some of the conclusions I — and the guest bloggers — come to, you will still find much to lift you up.
The Scope: Why Just Wives?
As our world becomes increasingly broken around healthy sexuality, the number of women with a sexual addiction, or propensity to unfaithfulness skyrockets. This means there are many men whose hearts have been broken by an unfaithful wife/ female partner. Because my experience and research have centred on the effects of betrayal on women, I will limit the scope of my discussions to that group. However, hurting men (either betrayed or betrayers) are welcome here. Blessings on your journey, as well.
From time to time, my husband ‘T’, will guest blog on subjects related to a wife’s healing from the perspective of a husband who wants to give support. You can read more about his ministry at whatsthebigdeal.nz (coming soon).
Lisa (aka Dawn Horvath) is a mother of three, trauma survivor, and award-winning author living ‘down under’. Lisa — who has studied, and continues to study, best practices for supporting partners of sex addicts (with Marsha Means and soon with IACSAS) — coaches women betrayed by their husbands.
‘Dawn Horvath’ is a pseudonym: chosen to help protect the innocent (her daughter) and the not so innocent. Horvath is a common Eastern European name, however, horvat is Hebrew for ‘ruins’: as in ‘the remains of a city, town, etc’. The first people God renamed in the old testament, he did so by adding an ‘h’ to their names. It seems to be his special letter signifying redemption of the name. ‘Horvath’, thus signifies, a ‘ruin redeemed’.
About the Book: Beyond Betrayal
Beyond Betrayal interweaves the stories of betrayed wives – including the author’s personal story of fumbling her way toward God and healing – with the latest research on sexual addiction and partner trauma. That research includes the largest survey to-date of wives of sex addicts – a survey conducted specifically for this book.
Wherever we are on our journey, #Beyond Betrayal# offers women and couples clear, realistic guidance on how to move forward into the healing God has for us. The stories recounted are authentic and grace-filled — because we’ve all messed up in our pain and we all struggle with issues such as anger, boundaries and forgiveness. Despite this, God’s arms are wide-open and He is actively working to bring us to new levels of faith and wholeness: as individuals, couples, families and communities.
Watch for the book in Christian bookstores and online beginning mid 2016.
Love and blessings on your healing journey,