by Ella Hutchinson
Last week we launched Ella's two-part post on six things the Church Should never say to wives of sex addicts. As Ella mentioned in Part 1, there are doubtless more things yet that get said (that shouldn't), but these six are ones that are heard far too often.
4. “Don’t ask your husband to leave the
by Ella Hutchinson
Unfortunately, the Church—and most Christian counselors—have little to no training or knowledge in how to address pornography addiction or chronic infidelity. But these are likely the biggest issues couples are facing. When couples go for help, the pastor/counselor undoubtedly wants to help and means well in their guidance. But time after time I hear
Last month, while in Europe visiting family, my husband, daughter and I went to Florence. We spent three days looking at various well-known works of renaissance art and architecture… to the point where our daughter’s refrain became, “No more art, please!”
Amongst the hundreds of beautiful works by famous artists there was one that particularly stood out to my
I have long understood that anger, possibly even rage, is inevitable on this journey. I devote many pages of Beyond Betrayal to examples of survey respondents’ (and my own) anger, and our reactions to it (usually guilt). Only recently, though have I also begun to see anger as a potentially healthy part of this journey.
This light-bulb moment
One of the respondents to the 2014/2015 Survey of Wives of Sex Addicts, conducted for Beyond Betrayal said she felt like she was walking around in shock for about three months after disclosure. Another stated:
“I almost checked out mentally when he told me. I couldn't respond or speak for a long time and it scared the crap out
Seven and a half years into this journey, I still find myself struggling with fears at times. Fortunately, today it’s nothing like those early days: waking up in a panic, nightmares, hypervigilance…
Last week I shared some very specific techniques/therapeutic interventions known to help with processing trauma and trauma-based fear. Today I’ll share a bit about ways
One of the reasons I’ve spent so many weeks on the topic of fear is that much of the trauma of sex addiction-related betrayal revolves around this emotion. Any counselor you see, who understands betrayal trauma will be giving you exercises that should also help you cope with fears and any other emotions that have felt unmanageable since discovery/
Those of us who have been around PSA (partner of sex addict) circles awhile will remember the scathing, malicious article that appeared in Psychology Today a few years ago on the topic of partners of sex addicts and PTSD.
In January 2016, however, Psychology Today won back some of my respect by posting an excellent article by Dr. Kevin Skinner.
Today I want to acknowledge the most common (and natural) fears wives of sex addicts face – fear of future betrayal and fear for our children. Next week I’ll look at the more general and pervasive fears/anxiety that we face on this journey.
Not all fear is bad. Fear is a God-given mechanism to help us avoid