My Fault?

Have you ever been told it's your fault your husband has a sexual addiction, affairs, or sexual integrity issues?

If so, you're not alone.

Many of us have heard:

  • You're too controlling
  • You're too cold
  • You're too emotional
  • You're too old
  • You're not my type (sexually)
  • You didn't protect me enough (from being aroused by other women)
  • You didn't submit enough
  • You didn't pray enough
  • And more (I once got told it was my fault because I hadn't bought new pyjamas myself)

Please don't believe any of it. This is the reasoning of either an ignorant or, in the case of our husbands, a sin-sick mind. A mind that's fallen into the trap of 'minimise, rationalise, justify and blame' (I cover these four tools of the addict in Beyond Betrayal).

Former addict, turned SA counsellor, Jason Martinkus has said:
Infidelity is always the choice of a broken person; not a reaction to a broken spouse nor the result of a broken marriage.

The vast majority of betrayers had issues with sexual addiction or integrity before they were married. So remember this: he would have done this, no matter who he married.

It's not you.
It's no me.
We're not perfect — but we didn't cause this.

Straighten Up and Fly Right

This article was written by:
Author image

Lisa Taylor

Lisa is a PSA trauma survivor, counselor and award-winning author living with her kids & recovering husband in New Zealand. She runs groups and sees international clients via Naked Truth Recovery.


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