If you've been reading this blog for any length of time you'll know I'm a big proponent of "finding support" for ourselves on this journey. Part of how I survived my own journey of betrayal trauma was: God, support groups, friends, family, books, and informed and compassionate counselors. However, I regularly hear news of women (and sometimes their husbands) finding
When to Challenge Your "Support"
What is "Good Recovery": Part 2
Last week I began sharing a resource that I've created for sex addicts to help them move from "sobriety" to "recovery". Considering how many betrayed wives I work with who are at their wits' end because of his: acting in, narcissism, gaslighting, withdrawing, lying, cognitive distortions, throwing them under the bus, etc., I thought it was time for a resource
What Is "Good Recovery"?
Over the years I've heard numerous betrayed spouses ask some variation or other of the question, "What is good recovery from sex addiction, what does it look like?"
Over the next two weeks I thought I'd share a resource I've developed for sex addicts in recovery. Interestingly, I think there might be a lot of cross-over application for those of
She's Not the Enemy: Conclusion
Today we continue with Jeff Hutchinson's excellent article aimed at SA husbands that he started for us last week.
In the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, Barbra Stephens and Marsha Means provided the sex addiction community with a new model for understanding betrayal. Dr. Stephens proposed that the symptoms experienced by the partners of sex addicts are identical
She's Not the Enemy
by Jeff Hutchinson
“If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”— Mark 3:25
My wife, Ella, and I have been facilitating couples' intensives since 2011. For addicts who are taking recovery seriously and partners who have somehow found it in their hearts to give him another chance, this can be a profound experience. A couple's intensive
Last week I looked at how today's sex addiction falls under the category "nothing new under the sun." There has always been sexual sin, it's always tended toward addiction and it used to be directly linked to idol worship. This week in one of the support groups I facilitate someone brought up the issue of "our idols." This resonated with
How Sex Addiction = Idolatry
One of the topics that my husband and I speak about in churches (and to clients) is the fact that porn, sex addiction, and other patterns of sexual acting out are really not a new issue. In fact the sin which we today call "sex addiction" is talked about in the bible using words like (transliteration from the Greek here)
The Pain of Betrayal: Fear (part 4)
Nine years into this journey, I still find myself struggling with fears at times. Fortunately, today it’s nothing like those early days: waking up in a panic, nightmares, hypervigilance…
Last week I shared some very specific techniques/therapeutic interventions known to help with processing trauma and trauma-based fear. Today I’ll share a bit about ways women (including myself)
The Pain of Betrayal: Fear (part 3)
One of the reasons I’ve spent extra time on the topic of fear is that much of the trauma of sex addiction-related betrayal revolves around this emotion. Even our anger/rage is often just a protective front for our fears. Any counselor you see, who understands betrayal trauma will be giving you exercises that should also help you cope