by Dan Drake, certified sex addiction therapist, clinical partner specialist. Please note this article has been published along with more information on surviving the holidays in this book.
Support comes in many forms. So during a time filled with anxiety, stress, loneliness, and pain, I wanted to share with you the supportive words of other partners about the holiday season.
Self-care. What many Christian women hear when I say this word is “self-indulgence” or just plain “selfishness.”
What I’d like you to hear in that word is “self-preservation.” Self-preservation is not about putting yourself above others. It’s about keeping yourself going—sometimes for others. Often it’s not until we’ve gone “bump” at the bottom of the
Last week we looked at how to deal with our trauma emotions with the help of others. But sadly, for many of us safe, mature, regulated people are not always available when we need them.
Thus, today we'll look at how we can work through some of these emotions when it is just us and God.
Grief and Fear
Rage. Despair. Terror. These are some of the strong negative emotions we may find ourselves experiencing after discovery/disclosure of our husband's betrayal or sex addiction.
These emotions are a normal part of the journey for a betrayed wife who has been traumatized by either discovery/disclosure, or by longstanding (and possibly ongoing) patterns of lying, emotional abuse, withdrawl, neglect,
Last week we looked at some of the experiences faced by older wives/partners of sex addicts. Today I'll look at some of the common challenges I see younger PSAs facing.
Cultural Cognitive Distortion
In Beyond Betrayal I discuss the concept of "minimize, rationalize, justify, blame." These are some of the common diversionary tactics of the addict (sex, porn or
This past week I turned 50. This has caused me to reflect, not for the first time, on the challenges unique to the older betrayed wife. This week I'll share some of these reflections, and next week I'll look at some of the challenges unique to our younger generation of partners of sex addicts.
Yesterday, I was talking
In Proverbs 30, Agur (son of Jaketh) writes:
Under three things the earth quakes; under four it cannot bear up: under a slave when he becomes king, and a fool when he is satisfied with food; under an unloved woman when she gets a husband, and a maidservant when she supplants her mistress. (NASB)
Well... maybe he writes that. As
Last week Dan Drake explained how DARVO (deny, attack, reverse, victim, offender) can be used by an SA (or abusive person) to gaslight his wife and protect his addiction. This brought to mind another dynamic seen all too commonly in SA/PSA marriages: the drama triangle.
Stephen Karpman, a student in the transactional analysis school of psychotherapy, first published his
Beyond Betrayal Community friend, Dan Drake, recently posted this excellent article on his site on gaslighting that I thought would add to our current series on this topic. Dan's particular focus is "DARVO": Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim - Offender.
Most of us don’t enter relationships thinking about gaslighting or about emotional abuse strategies. Instead, we often enter relationships