All posts tagged in: 'sex addiction'

The Wife is to Blame ?

Today's post, the first in a two-part series, tackles a common myth circulating in the church, and beyond, that men wouldn't "wander" (i.e. use porn, lust, act out sexually with others) if their wives were just working harder to please them sexually. In other words... it's our fault when they have these issues.

It's a pleasure to have guest

Ask the Expert Part 3

This week I have the immense privilege of attending APSATS* training with Barb Steffens — founder of the partner trauma model. I thought I'd share the blessing (of Barb's wisdom) this week with the whole of the community, as she answers another community question.

Partner Question

My husband projects almost everything he does onto me. Everything I can think of, save

Dear Sex Addict: A Letter about Your Brain

Dear Sex Addict Husband:

Hi. I know I can seem like a bit of a scary person to you. I’m the woman who keeps encouraging your wife to call you on your stuff. I tell her to use her voice. I encourage her to feel her feelings without judgment (including the feelings she was having when she smashed the

Ask the Experts: Part 2

This week we return to our "ask the experts" series, where a sex addiction or partner trauma expert answers your questions. Today's question, about fetishes, is being answered by sex addiction expert, Jason Martinkus who practices out of Denver. Jason and his wife Shelley are well known in this field for their excellent work with—and resources for—men, women

New Thoughts on Polygraphs: Part 2

Last week I gave you a look at mine and my husband's history with polygraph examinations as part of disclosure. As I alluded, the story didn't end there. It's been a long journey and we've learned a lot about the abilities and limitations of the polygraph in helping heal relationships where sexual betrayal/sexual addiction is part of the story.

New Thoughts on Polygraphs

Those of you who have read Beyond Betrayal know something of mine and my husband's history with polygraphs. The short version: not good.

However, since doing a little more digging around — talking to therapists who use them regularly, for example — I've changed my thoughts on the use of polygraphs for couples where there has been sexual betrayal. Well... I've changed

Your Questions Answered

In this next round of Ask the Experts, Dr. Barbara Steffens (president of APSATS and co-author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse) answers a community member's question on addictive thinking.

Q: Can you please give a simple (if possible) definition of addictive thinking? My husband will get into "poor me" phases, become sullen & withdrawn & denies that anything is wrong

Ask the Experts

This week we invite sex addiction counselling experts Dr Barbara Steffens and Richard Blankenship back to answer more community member questions. The focus this week is how much sex a recovering addict should be expecting with his spouse and should we believe our husband when he says giving up masturbation isn't possible?

Sex in Recovery

My husband has given up

Your Questions Answered: Part 3

This week, Dr. Barbara Steffens, president of APSATS, wraps up our first "Ask the Experts" series. This week's question: how do I know if he's doing enough not to relapse.

Thank you to all the community members who sent in questions. Richard and Barb will be answering the remaining questions in the New Year... so stay tuned.

Is He Doing