All posts tagged in: 'pain'

Masking the Pain

In the 2014/2015 Survey of Wives of Sex Addicts I asked a question about regrets. One of the answers that frequently came up (8% of respondents) was around using addictive substances (or engaging in an addiction). Another 8% considered, or took, sexual revenge.

Topping the list of addictive substances women used was ‘alcohol’ (second was drugs). However, when it

Damaged Identity

Those of you who follow me on Facebook will know that I recently organized a one-day partner’s retreat in Auckland, New Zealand, lead by Dr. Barbara Steffens: the founder of the “partner trauma model.” What I learned at Barbara’s retreat, was both healing and furthered my thoughts on betrayal pain in relationship to damaged identity.

Learning from Barbara

The Pain: Part 1

The pain of betrayal runs deeper than words can describe. When women try to express it verbally it’s almost always in the language of graphic violence:

“It felt like I had been stabbed in the heart over and over and was bleeding to death,” said one respondent of the 2104/2015 Survey of Wives of Sex Addicts.

Another stated:

Facing The Pain

If you discovered your husband’s betrayal/sexual addiction some time recently: this title isn’t going to make any sense to you. Face the pain? The pain is in your face… generally kicking you in the teeth several times a day.

Nevertheless, a time comes when the pain sinks below the surface… and sits there. Initially this feels great.