All posts tagged in: 'trauma'


I have long understood that anger, possibly even rage, is inevitable on this journey. I devote many pages of Beyond Betrayal to examples of survey respondents’ (and my own) anger, and our reactions to it (usually guilt). Only recently, though have I also begun to see anger as a potentially healthy part of this journey.

Healing Anger

This light-bulb moment


One of the respondents to the 2014/2015 Survey of Wives of Sex Addicts, conducted for Beyond Betrayal said she felt like she was walking around in shock for about three months after disclosure. Another stated:

“I almost checked out mentally when he told me. I couldn't respond or speak for a long time and it scared the crap out

Fear Series Wrap-Up

Seven and a half years into this journey, I still find myself struggling with fears at times. Fortunately, today it’s nothing like those early days: waking up in a panic, nightmares, hypervigilance…

Last week I shared some very specific techniques/therapeutic interventions known to help with processing trauma and trauma-based fear. Today I’ll share a bit about ways

Processing Fear (and Trauma)

One of the reasons I’ve spent so many weeks on the topic of fear is that much of the trauma of sex addiction-related betrayal revolves around this emotion. Any counselor you see, who understands betrayal trauma will be giving you exercises that should also help you cope with fears and any other emotions that have felt unmanageable since discovery/

It's His Problem: Why Do I need Help?

by Dan Drake

If you have recently discovered your partner’s secret sexual activities you may have thought or said something very similar to this, “He’s the one with the addiction, so why do I need therapy?” You may (very understandably) be feeling angry at the insinuation that you need support in addition to the support your addicted partner

Helping the Church Get it Right: Part 2

Last week I shared the first part of a letter to clergy composed by Adam Moore, a counselor who has worked many years in the field of sex addiction. Today, I give you the rest of that letter, and encourage you to feel free to share both parts with your church (or any church) if they are looking to support


If your discovery of your husband’s sexual addiction took place more than three years ago, chances are you ran into the words “co-dependent” or “co-addict” pretty quickly. I first came across these words (being applied to me) in my counselor’s office. Other women are introduced to them in their “support” group meeting.

Over the next couple of weeks

A Time to Grieve: Part 2

Last week's post introduced the idea of grieving as self-care and how one might make space for a "grief retreat." Dr. Barbara Steffens, founder of the partner trauma model for wives/partners of sex addicts, talks about "remembering and grieving" as the second stage of our (often non-linear) healing process.

That means the idea of a grief retreat may not

Your Questions Answered: Part 2

This week we continue looking at the questions women sent in to be answered by veteran therapists in the sex addiction/partner trauma field, Richard Blankenship (president of IACSAS) and Barbara Steffens (president of Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, i.e. APSATS).

Today, Richard answers questions around helping our young adult children.

Dating a Porn User